Friday, August 27, 2010
I can still hear the sentence you said to me as you were cutting my son from my body, "Wow! What a tiny baby! If you can't birth a baby this small, next time forget about the birth plan; forget about a VBAC; sign up for a cesarean." That one simple statement that was probably forgotten as soon as it hit your lips shook me to my core. I felt like a failure. Where compassion could have soothed, I was left with a cold, impersonal phrase that would haunt me and contribute to postpartum depression. Where kind words could have comforted (or even no words at all) and left hope, I was left with a stinging statement of inadequacy.
If you can recall, my son was a tiny 6 lbs, 4 oz at birth. We later went on to find that he has mild CP which may have contributed to him being unable to be birthed vaginally. We will never know for sure, but what I am so about is that you have an awesome opportunity to either empower a woman at her birth, or tear her down. Words are windows, or they are walls.
I just wanted to say that I forgive you for your words and hope that this letter can serve as a reminder that your bedside manner can carry long-term repercussions for your patients. A truly compassionate and kind physician is a rare gem in today's American medical practice, but those that choose to see their patients as more than just a name, are the ones that are excellent in my book.
I'm not sure how far you will make it reading this letter (or if you will take the time to even read it at all), but in the end, it doesn't really matter as it's more for me than you. Expressing our vulnerability can help resolve conflicts and my hope is that this letter will help you think twice before you speak to a mother in future births.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
So I took the time to arrange and take this photo for a detergent contest on Facebook, but unfortunately, did not win (man there were some creative mamas). Since I took the time to take it, I wanted to share it here (and show off my stash- keep in mind I've won over half of them and the rest I bought mainly used). :)
Monday, August 23, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
I originally wrote this about six months after Big Boy was born, and prior to my pregnancy with Little Man
As some of you know, I was planning and praying to birth Big Boy naturally. My dream was shattered after my water broke and labor did not begin naturally, followed by a failed attempt at induction that ended in his birth by cesarean. After Big Boy's birth, I was left facing PPD and questioning my faith and trust in God. I just did not understand why God would say, "No!" to me in such a significant way. I honestly had never prayed harder about anything in my life.
Since the beginning of my pregnancy, I prayed, with faith, asking God to grant my wish for a successful natural birth and even wrote in my journal, "Lord, I just don't want a c-section." When that was what I got, my heart was shattered. To be honest, I was angry and I was left with two choices, trust God, that He loves me and has the best for me in mind, or ,doubt Him. I unfortunately went with the latter. Thankfully, God is much bigger than my doubt and is faithful to me regardless of my attitude towards HIM. He never gives up on me.
Although I am not completely emotionally healed from Luke's birth, I am on the road to recovery and God has been doing some amazing things in my heart. One thing that He pointed out to me is that Jesus Himself received a "No" in response to His prayer to "Let this cup pass from Me." WOW! If God the Father tells Jesus, "No!" then who in the world am I to think that I deserve any better? This also points out that my answered prayer did not result in a no due to my lack of faith. Who has more faith than Jesus Himself? Another thing that God has humbled me with is a quote from Beth Moore, "I am freed to know that my God is huge and my God is able. Therefore, I know that there is a greater yes in progress whether realized here or in heaven."
I can stop asking, "Why?" b/c the truth is, I may never know the answer until I get to heaven. What I must choose to do is trust God and bring Him glory through my trial. After all, the Bible challenges Christians, "whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow" (James 1:2-3). The point is not to pretend to be happy when we face pain, but to have a positive outlook b/c of what troubles can produce in our lives. Tough times teach us perseverance and can be great times of learning if we let them. So now my prayer is that I will continue to persevere!
Monday, August 16, 2010
Eco Monday- #1 of 12 New Things- Why do I Cloth-Diaper? Getting Past my Misconceptions & Reservations
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
For those of you that don't know, I have a background in early childhood education and taught kindergarten for five years. Because of this, I have a passion for children's literature. In an attempt to share my adoration with the world, I will be hosting "Wordy Wednesday" in which I share a beloved book and ideas on how you can use that book with your child. The first book that I want to share with you is Not a Box by Antoinette Portis.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Ok. So this is a really strange way to start a blog. The truth is I've been working on/ throwing some ideas around for quite awhile, but have thus far failed to "take the plunge." Well somethings got me energized this morning and I just HAVE to at least try to make a difference.