Birth Matters

          SO I have baby on the brain lately. Everywhere I go, it seems there are newbie squishees... The crazy part is that I've never really been a "newborn" person. Maybe it just took me awhile to "warm-up" to them, or maybe it's just because as each day progresses, Little Man looks less like a baby, and much more like a boy and it's making me extremely sentimental...
       Anywho, I've been chatting back-and-forth with a friend that is struggling with the thought of TTC after previously having a cesarean. It's crazy how much one scar can lead to so many...
        She asked me, "Why does birth matter so much to me?" I've often asked myself that very same question. Why is it that I would fight to- the-death for something that other woman will happily do heavily sedated and on their backs? Why does it matter so much to me? 
       The more I think about it, the more it seems to be a very personal answer. I guess the answer that I've come up with is that we were created to give birth- our bodies were made to push a baby out and if you are in tune with the natural flow of life, then that desire is recognized. Or at least that's why birth matters to me. I know in my brain that normal birth is better for me and my baby, I know what the research says about its importance, but I'm not always sure why it's such an ingrain desire. I'm sure it's different for different women. 
       I'd love to hear your thoughts on why birth matters to you (and if it doesn't, with all due respect, please don't bother to comment). 

Letter to an OB

8/26/10

Dear Dr. _______________,

       

            I'm not sure that you remember me or can picture my face any longer, but you delivered my son via cesarean just over three years ago. You were a wonderful surgeon and you did everything a "good" doctor is suppose to do. By medical definition, you were excellent- my physical scare was barely noticeable by six months postpartum, however, the emotional scars remained.  

          If you can remember, I was hoping to have a natural, intervention-free birth, but after 24+ hours of induced labor due to premature rupture of membranes, the decision was made to deliver via cesarean. I place no blame on you for that decision- it was mine based on the information that I was given (although knowing that I was making progress going from 10 % effaced to 75 % effaced may have altered my decision). What I do want to ask you to consider is your choice of words and the effect that they can have at a woman's most vulnerable moment.
           I can still hear the sentence you said to me as you were cutting my son from my body, "Wow! What a tiny baby! If you can't birth a baby this small, next time forget about the birth plan; forget about a VBAC; sign up for a cesarean." That one simple statement that was probably forgotten as soon as it hit your lips shook me to my core. I felt like a failure. Where compassion could have soothed, I was left with a cold, impersonal phrase that would haunt me and contribute to postpartum depression. Where kind words could have comforted (or even no words at all) and left hope, I was left with a stinging statement of inadequacy.
         If you can recall, my son was a tiny 6 lbs, 4 oz at birth. We later went on to find that he has mild CP which may have contributed to him being unable to be birthed vaginally. We will never know for sure, but what I am so about is that you have an awesome opportunity to either empower a woman at her birth, or tear her down. Words are windows, or they are walls.
        I just wanted to say that I forgive you for your words and hope that this letter can serve as a reminder that your bedside manner can carry long-term repercussions for your patients. A truly compassionate and kind physician is a rare gem in today's American medical practice, but those that choose to see their patients as more than just a name, are the ones that are excellent in my book.
       I'm not sure how far you will make it reading this letter (or if you will take the time to even read it at all), but in the end, it doesn't really matter as it's more for me than you. Expressing our vulnerability can help resolve conflicts and my hope is that this letter will help you think twice before you speak to a mother in future births.

Sincerely,

Robin Sayers

PS- I'm so glad I didn't listen to you! Two years after my son's birth, I birthed another son that was 7 lbs, 7 oz, and had his hand up by his head (w/ minimal tearing)! Over a full pound bigger and very healthy. I'm so grateful I found a physician that was willing to support me and empower me to make my own informed choices so that I could have a VBAC. 

Truth Tuesday- When God says, "No." Healing from Big Boy's Birth

I originally wrote this about six months after Big Boy was born, and prior to my pregnancy with Little Man

As some of you know, I was planning and praying to birth Big Boy naturally. My dream was shattered after my water broke and labor did not begin naturally, followed by a failed attempt at induction that ended in his birth by cesarean. After Big Boy's birth, I was left facing PPD and questioning my faith and trust in God. I just did not understand why God would say, "No!" to me in such a significant way. I honestly had never prayed harder about anything in my life.

Since the beginning of my pregnancy, I prayed, with faith, asking God to grant my wish for a successful natural birth and even wrote in my journal, "Lord, I just don't want a c-section." When that was what I got, my heart was shattered. To be honest, I was angry and I was left with two choices, trust God, that He loves me and has the best for me in mind, or ,doubt Him. I unfortunately went with the latter. Thankfully, God is much bigger than my doubt and is faithful to me regardless of my attitude towards HIM. He never gives up on me.

Although I am not completely emotionally healed from Luke's birth, I am on the road to recovery and God has been doing some amazing things in my heart. One thing that He pointed out to me is that Jesus Himself received a "No" in response to His prayer to "Let this cup pass from Me." WOW! If God the Father tells Jesus, "No!" then who in the world am I to think that I deserve any better? This also points out that my answered prayer did not result in a no due to my lack of faith. Who has more faith than Jesus Himself? Another thing that God has humbled me with is a quote from Beth Moore, "I am freed to know that my God is huge and my God is able. Therefore, I know that there is a greater yes in progress whether realized here or in heaven."

I can stop asking, "Why?" b/c the truth is, I may never know the answer until I get to heaven. What I must choose to do is trust God and bring Him glory through my trial. After all, the Bible challenges Christians, "whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow" (James 1:2-3). The point is not to pretend to be happy when we face pain, but to have a positive outlook b/c of what troubles can produce in our lives. Tough times teach us perseverance and can be great times of learning if we let them. So now my prayer is that I will continue to persevere!