Birth Matters

          SO I have baby on the brain lately. Everywhere I go, it seems there are newbie squishees... The crazy part is that I've never really been a "newborn" person. Maybe it just took me awhile to "warm-up" to them, or maybe it's just because as each day progresses, Little Man looks less like a baby, and much more like a boy and it's making me extremely sentimental...
       Anywho, I've been chatting back-and-forth with a friend that is struggling with the thought of TTC after previously having a cesarean. It's crazy how much one scar can lead to so many...
        She asked me, "Why does birth matter so much to me?" I've often asked myself that very same question. Why is it that I would fight to- the-death for something that other woman will happily do heavily sedated and on their backs? Why does it matter so much to me? 
       The more I think about it, the more it seems to be a very personal answer. I guess the answer that I've come up with is that we were created to give birth- our bodies were made to push a baby out and if you are in tune with the natural flow of life, then that desire is recognized. Or at least that's why birth matters to me. I know in my brain that normal birth is better for me and my baby, I know what the research says about its importance, but I'm not always sure why it's such an ingrain desire. I'm sure it's different for different women. 
       I'd love to hear your thoughts on why birth matters to you (and if it doesn't, with all due respect, please don't bother to comment). 

Pro-Life vs. Pro-Choice, What Both Sides Can Learn

         This past weekend marked the 38th anniversary of the landmark Roe vs. Wade case. Many bloggers on both sides of the Pro-Life/ Pro-Choice debate wrote posts in its "honor". One in particular that caught my eye was written by Danielle from Momotics. Now before you read any further, please go back and read her original post, or this discussion will make little sense. I will probably upset both sides of the debate before this post is over, but I do believe that there is something that both sides can learn from my train of thought. 
       First off, let me just disclaim that I am 100% Pro-life to the fact that I believe that abortion is wrong and that life occurs immediately upon conception. My belief stems from my Christian world-view and its my opinion that abortion hurts not just babies but leaves lasting scars on a mother's emotional well-being. Ok, so now if you are Pro-Choice, you are probably getting fired up and tempted to stop reading, but please do me a favor and read-on to the end. You might be thinking, "She has an agenda. This is coming from a biased point-of-view," but honestly, how can one write about this topic and not in someway, shape, or form be subjective? Please note that my post is obviously somewhat biased, but I would still love to hear your thoughts. 
      Secondly, although I am Pro-Life, I'm also not persuaded that the government should regulate morality. I subscribe to the belief that small government is best and that our freedom depends on upholding our rights to make choices and to live how we personally see fit. If we want the freedom to choose our church, our religion, how we educate our children, etc., then it makes sense that abortion should remain legal. GASP, did I really just say that? Well, to you my Pro-Life friends, I guess what I'm saying is that you can't have it both ways- i.e. expect the government to stay out of your business in some areas while forcing/ regulating other parts of life. Ok, now that my Pro-Life friends are outraged, again, I implore you to read this post in its entirety and then leave me some comments with your thoughts. 
       Now, back to the original post referred to in the opening paragraph. Something that struck me was the paragraph where Danielle wrote, "But I think that my pro-choice stance on reproductive health for women goes way farther than just abortion. It goes to birth choices, choices in prenatal care, choices in providers, choices to birth the way a woman wants without fear of legislation that will force her to birth in a hospital or scare her that child services is going to be knocking on her front door if she doesn’t consent to a c-section she does not feel is in the best interest of her or her child." I couldn't agree more with this thought- CHOICE should include all of the things that Danielle passionately listed above. We, as mothers, as women, as Americans, should fight to have these reproductive rights. My insurance company should not be the one tells me where I can give birth. When I had my VBAC last October, I only had one choice in doctor (whom I was grateful to have had), but if you are left with only one option, is that really a choice? My Pro-Life friends, although we are often passionate about saving babies lives, we often fail to really care about the women we claim to be "protecting." Please consider re-evaluating how we can take the time to be compassionate advocates for woman in all areas of reproductive rights.
        The one thing that I feel the article left out, however, is that the word choice in its self is often misleading. A young woman, or any woman, walks into a Planned Parenthood for a consult and really only hears about one choice and that choice is abortion. When a woman becomes pregnant, she has the right to be informed of all three options (abortion, adoption, parenting) so that she can make that choice for herself. If you are truly Pro-Choice, then shouldn't adoption and parenting come into the equation as well? To be fair, Danielle did state, "Of course women that make the rash decision to abort before she has fully examined all of her options, and made an informed choice could really feel the same way, but that is another post in itself. Because I care about all women, not just those who agree with me."  I applaud Danielle for her last line, however, I rarely hear parenting and adoption being discussed among Pro-Choice advocates. Take a look at the Planned Parenthood site for yourself, do you see anything in regards to adoption or parenting as choices / options? If you claim to be Pro-Choice, then please consider broadening your horizons as well and include all options into your claims of choice. To show stories on all sides of the spectrum. 
        Ok, now you know I disclaimed that I am biased and Pro-life, so I want to just wrap this post up by saying that I am also Pro-woman. My Pro-Choice friends the rest of this post will probably upset you, but again, I did inform my readers of my world-view. The end of this post is not just for my Pro-Life friends, but my family in Christ in general. I believe that abortion hurts women and disturbs the natural flow that God designed for a woman's life and that abortion can leave long withstanding emotional scars; I do believe that an embryo, a fetus, is a "baby" and should also have rights- yes, to me it is a moral issue, however, I don't think by making abortion illegal we solve the issue that is at the core of the problem. Yes babies will be saved (a good thing indeed), but by forcing women to not have abortions, by simply protesting- waving signs in people's faces, we still fail to embrace a christlike love for women in general. The key to winning the Reproductive Health debate, is to address the issue at its core- the sin-nature of mankind and to reach out in love to women- to walk besides troubled teens, single moms, married women, women in general- to take the time to get to know women and to truly love them with no strings attached, to show them how Christ changed our lives and how he offers that peace and joy to all that may seek Him. To share the same passion that we have for babies for women. I guess that's what I think it means to be Pro-Woman. 
       And here's my final thoughts (again taken from my Christian world-view), Being a mother has definitely made me more Pro-Life. My pregnancies, labors, and deliveries were not the easiest, but also could have been much, much worse. Being pregnant and giving birth was nothing short of miraculous and I certainly can't imagine my life without my little guys. It's always hard for me to understand how women can go through the miracle of life and still not see a higher power in it all. I applaud some of my everyday heroes that have had to make much harder choices than I have, whether that be single parenting, or adoption. When we disturb the natural order of marriage and what God made sex to be, we are always faced with hard choices. I have nothing but respect to those that selflessly have given their bodies to help make another family parents or have chosen to give up some of their livelihood to single-parent. If you made it to the end, I thank you for reading and welcome any thoughts or criticism. 

Robin vs. Treadmill 32/365

Well, I did it. I signed up for Cincinnati's local Flying Pig Marathon (well the half). SO the treadmill and I have become really good enemies friends... Last Saturday I ran 8 continuous miles at 92 minutes, yes slow, but hey, I DID IT! 

Soldier 24/365

Soldier

The face of a soldier-

brave and true;

Calm, quiet-

I truly "Thank you."

The face of a soldier-

gentle, yet strong;

bittersweet goodbye-

He says, "It won't be long."

The face of a soldier-

just like me and you; 

I pray every night that-

my Lord will protect you.

My "little" brother deployed for Afghanistan today. My heart is heavy for him as he leaves behind his wife an 8 week-old daughter. My heart breaks for him that he will miss most of her first year- yet he complains not. Like so many brave men and women, he views the military as his duty and is happy to serve. Freedom certainly is NOT free. I have nothing but respect for our armed forces. 

Love you so much, Tommy! Come home to us safe! 

Funk Rock 22/365

A little 9 oz of heaven (or at least I'm hoping anyway-LOL) arrived in my mailbox for review today! We've been dealing with the ammonia diaper stink off and on for about the last three months. I've read rave reviews about this new product from Rockin' Green Soap, and can't wait to try it! My full review will be up next week. Wish me luck! Any other tried and true ammonia busters that you've found?

Sandra 20/365

Sandra

"streets are empty, snow fallin down, cold winds blowin is the only sound. Darkness shares the night with the stars up in the sky, the moon and the clouds are getting ready to fight.., I know I should be sleeping, but I can't close my eyes...to the painting of winter you created outside. the shadows of the trees seem to cover everything...time stands still just for once, no thoughts of tomorrow, or of days gone by..."

Have I told you how much I love my sister-in-law, Sandra? She's more like a real sister- and has been there for me through thick-and-thin. Although she would never think it, she's an inspiration to all she meets. Her strong Christian testimony despite many hard life trials, including a battle with ulcerative colitis, has served to encourage my heart on many a day. She's the first to offer an encouraging word to any person afflicted, and is the type of loyal friend that would be there for you no matter what! This post is a small token of the appreciation that I have for her life.

Another thing that she will never tell you, is that she's an awesome singer/ songwriter! She has a God-given talent and unique voice that calms my soul. Have I perked your interest yet?! If so, do me a favor and go listen to a sampling of her songs on Facebook. ImperfectMelodies  is sure to brighten your day and encourage your heart :) 

Love you, Sandra! Know that you are being uplifted in prayer at this very moment and by those that read this post! 

Winter is in full force here in Cincy. Sandra took these amazing photos on a recent winter walk :) Also, the first paragraph that started my post are the lyrics to a new song she is writing. 

Snow 11/365

Snow

Soft

     Sparkles

               Shyly Shining 

Quiet

       Quarters

                 Quickly Quivering  

Festive

         Flakes 

                 Freely Falling 

       to the ground.

Yep. The "White Death" hit us today! Did your area get any snow? 

               

Old Love 8/365

OLD LOVE

Old love-

tried and true;

quiet,

patient-

so many, "I love you's."

Old love-

gentle and strong;

vivid,

pure-

able to move past wrongs.

Old love-

brave when hard;

fun,

real-

your love I will never discard. 

We attended a beautiful wedding this evening. I love weddings- everything about them is magical to me- but I also know how hard and trying marriage can be and so this poem is based on my 7 year experience with it. It hasn't always been "bliss," but it's definitely been real :)

Adultish 6/365

Adultish


Of all the things strange to me,
Growing up has got to be-
the thing that has me most puzzled.   


Entering year 30, mom and wife,
yet still fear I lack maturity.


Own house, two children-
various responsibilities;           


yet drinking coffee in patterned mugs
is what makes me feel thirty.


Does anyone ever truly feel grown-up? 




As I was driving Big Boy to preschool this morning, I was contemplating how adult-like I felt drinking coffee. My next thought was the irony of the situation since I was driving my car- with my two sons, both of which would make one think that I should feel like an adult. As cliche as it is, I feel like I was just 20 yesterday. It made me start wondering if anyone ever truly feels grown-up.


Sidebar- notice that insanely cute coffee sleeve pictured? Yep, my very talented BFF created that for me for Christmas this year, and apparently, if you are crafty, it's not too hard of a task to duplicate. She took an old wool sweater, washed and shrunk it so that it became felted wool that could easily be cut and not unravel, and then sewed the seam- waala- one uber fun upcycled craft project :) 

Laundry Limerick - 5/365

Laundry Limerick 

  There once was a mom of two-

     Who had so much laundry to do;

But then it got fun,

              For smells there were none,

   And now she enjoys it, it's true!  

       Today is laundry day at my house (really, what day isn't with children-LOL), but specifically, it is cloth diaper laundry day! We've been battling the ammonia stink for quite some time now but Nellie's Laundry Soda has finally seemed to solve our dilemma. I prefer to line dry my pocket shells, however, freezing Cincinnati temperatures are not conducive to productive drying (note-to-self: frozen diapers = too cold to put on baby's bottom). I scored this Hanging Dryer from my Mother-in-Law and I'm in love! They are $4.99 from IKEA, and as pictured above, I am now winter drying my diapers in my bathroom shower with this awesome PRESSA. Do you have a favorite cloth diaper laundry routine, or any tips for winter line drying that you would like to share?

Forever and Yesterday You Became Mine- Part 2

Forever and Yesterday-

 I PUSHED you to LIFE

A fighting spirit

Ear-piercing, joyous shriek

Wrinkled, pink skin

Squinted oval gray spheres calmed in my ARMS

WARM, tiny body pressed into mine

Forever and Yesterday-

You became MINE

Happy first birthday, Little Man! We love you so much!

Big Boy's poem (Part 1) is here.

Paper Mama Photo Challenge- "Fall"

My VBAC Story

I wrote this about a month after birthing Little Man. He will be one already this Sunday. 

         For those of you that don’t know, I studied “Hypnobirthing” for this labor and delivery. No, it’s not some crazy cultish approach to labor and delivery, but rather a way to relax and release fear while in labor focusing on a positive mindset. Because hypnobirthing’s main focus is releasing fear and thinking positively, you will notice that the word “contraction(s)” is replaced with “surge(s).” Just a warning to those hypnobirthing moms out there- this is not a typical, pain-free , easy birth story like so many of those we heard about in class. So please stop reading if you think that it might affect you.

 I woke up early Friday morning (around 4 AM) to cramping. It was three days past my guess date. A few minutes later I felt tightening, and then another, and then another. I was starting to get excited, but wanted to stay in bed and rest as long as I could just in case this was the real thing. With Luke, I never went into labor on my own, so I was afraid I wouldn't know when the real thing started. I got out my ipod and listened to my relaxation and hypnosis tracks. Around 7 AM, I got up and began timing the surges- they were consistently 5 minutes apart. I could breath through them fine. I told Aaron to go to work, but to be back in the afternoon as I was pretty sure this was the real thing. Luke got up around 7:30 AM. I fed him and tried to play with him between surges. I called my mom and Julie (my mother-in-law) to let them know what was going on and to make arrangements for Luke. My mom picked Luke up around 9:00 AM. I called my doula to let her know what was going on and to ask her opinion on if this was "the real thing" . She said she was pretty confident that it was due to the fact that it started so early in the morning. She said to let her know when I wanted her to come over. I hung up the phone and continued to work through the surges using different laboring positions, breathing techniques, and my relaxation tracks. I was excited because I wasn’t having any back labor- a sign that the baby could be posterior. I had an anterior placenta (my placenta was in the front of my uterus) and since babies often like to face their placentas, having a posterior, or “sunny-side-up” baby was a fear of mine.  (Part of the reason I ended up with a c-section with Luke, was b/c he was posterior and could not move down into my pelvis.)

Around 1 PM, the surges got stronger and closer together. My doula called me and I told her I was fine to stay home awhile longer. Aaron arrived home and asked if I needed anything. I was doing fine on my own so I told him to go cut the grass or relax and I would call him when I needed him. Around 3 PM the surges were consistently 3 minutes apart and stronger. I thought it was time to go to the hospital. I was afraid of delivering in the car, or barely making it in time, like so many of the stories I had heard about in hypnobirthing class (little did I know it would be another 24 hours before I actually got to meet Ty). I called my doula and told her to meet us there. We arrived at Bethesda North around 4 PM. The surges were still consistently 3 minutes apart.  I got checked into triage and found that I was 4 cm, 75% effaced. I was slightly bummed b/c I really wanted to be at least 5 cm, but looking on the bright side, I never got past 4 cm with Luke so I was excited that my body was doing its job. I had the choice to go home or stay. I decided to stay because I thought I would be able to “let go” and relax more if I wasn’t worried about making it back to the hospital in time. So we got settled in. We gave the nurses our birth vision and they pretty much just left us alone. I continued to work through surges for about another three hours. They were getting stronger, but still very manageable.

Around 7 PM, I noticed the surges started changing from tightening to sharp back pain. I immediately went into panic mode, which caused adrenaline to kick in and stall the labor. I knew from my experience with Luke that Ty had turned into the posterior position. My doula reassured me that I could do this and that we could get him to turn. I calmed down, put my ipod back on and sat on the birthing ball leaning over the hospital bed trying my best to relax and let go. Listening to the birth affirmations really helped.  We tried all kinds of laboring positions and techniques to try to get him to turn, but he just wouldn’t! At one point, I think around midnight, I was checked and 5 cm, 100 % effaced. I started to doubt myself and broke down. The surges stopped all together for like an hour. I laid down to rest and again debated going home, but the thought of doing this all over again was overwhelming. The nurse came in and mentioned pitocin or breaking my water. I really wanted to avoid both options. I went ahead and let them put a heplock in me just in case and asked for a breast pump as an alternative. I used the breast pump for 15 minutes every hour for three hours. The surges came on stronger than before and more regular again- but still a lot of pain in my back. At this point I became primal really going into “laborland.” At one point I was sitting on the toilet, vocalizing a deep chant, rocking, and pumping. I’m sure this was super attractive to the hubcap! I continued this pattern for a few hours until finally, I had a TON of mucuousy bloody show. I believe it was around 11:00 AM on Sat. I had the nurse check me again, and I was 6 cm. Something in me just “knew” I somehow needed to figure out how to relax. I hadn’t slept for over 24 hours and my baby was still posterior and not budging.

The thought of the epidural came into my head. Of course the doula tried to talk me out of it, but I just “knew” it was what I needed. So with tears, I asked the nurse for the anesthesiologist and she came in to talk with me. I spoke to her about my fears and how I felt like I was giving in- how I really wanted to “feel” my baby being pushed out, and she reassured me that she could give me a low enough dose to help me relax and rest, but still move my legs and be able to push. I agreed, again through tears, but knew in my heart it had to be done. The next half-hour was hell as I sat in the bed trying to breathe through back labor as she tried to place the epidural just right.  She finally got it, and within 10 minutes, I had some relief.

My nurse and doula had me lay on my stomach in bed in hopes that the baby would turn. Within minutes, my water broke, great confirmation that I had down the right thing! I was pleasantly surprised that I could move my legs and still feel the tightening of the contractions, but not the sharp back pain. After another hour or so, I was feeling a ton of pressure and so asked the nurse to check me again. I was 9 cm! In less than 3 hours, my water had broken and I was almost completely dilated. My labor pattern was consistent and so we were all pretty confident that Ty had finally turned. The nurse told me that I had a tiny lip of cervix left on the left side, so the doula suggested that I should lie on my left side to help speed the process. Maybe a half-an-hour later, I was still slightly numb but started feeling the surges again- NO BACK LABOR- yipee! I also felt a TON of weird pressure. (For those of you that have never birthed a child, I don’t mean to be crass, but want you to honestly know that it does not feel like you are birthing from your vagina at all, but that the baby is coming directly from your anal cavity). The pressure was the weirdest feeling and not what I had expected; It didn’t hurt, it was just really uncomfortable. 

At this point I asked my doula, “Should it feel like I’m about to have an extremely big bowel movement?” At this, she said we better get the nurse back in to check me and that yes, that was completely normal. So the nurse came back in and confirmed that I was complete. (The irony in all of this is that my beloved OB who NEVER takes vacations just happened to be out of town for the day so I was going to have his back-up, whom I had never met catching my son.) The nurse said she would contact him and that he should be there within 15 min. I hadn’t felt the urge to push yet, so I wasn’t too worried about waiting. I asked the nurse to move my bed into the upright seating position in hopes of “birth breathing” Ty down as much as possible before pushing. I put my headphones back on and began birth breathing for another 45 minutes. About 30 minutes into the waiting period, I felt the urge to push. I went ahead and did small bearing down pushes with each surge even though the OB was not there.

Finally the OB arrived. “Hi nice to meet you. Let’s push this baby out.” He explained to me how I was going to push in the traditional, on your back, legs up position. In my head I always pictured myself delivering on all-fours or squatting, etc. I expressed my concern that this position was anti-gravity, but he came back with the research stating that it puts less pressure on the perineum and told me that if it didn’t work in ten minutes, that we could try another position. So I agreed. I felt a surge, pushed with my breath for 15 minutes, and at LAST my baby boy entered the world at 5:07 PM with his hand holding his cord up by his head! Take that pissy OB that told me I would never be able to have a VBAC after my trial of labor with Luke. Pushing Titus out was the most AMAZING feeling! While I didn’t have an orgasm by any means (there’s a recent documentary out that claims you can), I will say that I wouldn’t trade it for the world- it was an indescribable mix of relief, joy, strength, and triumph! I am so grateful that I wasn’t too numb to feel it! Titus Patrick Sayers was born vaginally after 36 hours of labor, a healthy 7 lbs, 7 oz, 21 inches, and he received apgar scores of 9 and 9! He was immediately placed on my stomach and performed the breast crawl latching on without any assistance.

While my labor and delivery did not go exactly how I wanted or had envisioned it, I will be eternally grateful for having made the most informed choices I could have, and for the experience of a vaginal birth. Not all medical intervention is evil; there is a time and place where the modern medical model of birth can indeed prevent major surgery. Good luck and birth vibes to those mommas out there that will be giving the gift of life in the upcoming months. Trust your body and your instincts and then there will be nothing to fear. 

Homemade Playdough Recipe (that actually works)

           SO in all my years of teaching kindergarten, I never found a playdough recipe that I was happy with. This week, Big Boy came home with one for me to make for his class. We tried it out yesterday and it worked really well! It smells, feels, and looks just like the real thing! The ingredients were all familiar, but the one thing that I think made a huge difference was cooking it- BRILLIANT! Ha, well maybe you already knew this secret, but I did not. Below is a great recipe for some homemade dough (and a very fun science experiment in making it):

My Homemade Pumpkin Spice Latte

          A few posts back and I asked my readers to share their favorite recipes for homemade Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Today I finally got a chance to try my own. I've been on a quest to find the Pumpkin Pie Sauce that my friend Ashley suggested, but have yet to find it locally. So instead, here are the ingredients that I used:

Overheard at the Mall...

Me (upon entering Pac Sun); "Are we getting too old for this store?"

        Looks around to see various 16 -year olds dawning skinny jeans and beanies.


Hubcap: "Maybe..."

Me: "OHMYGOSH! This is so cute!"

:)

Wordless Wednesday- Jeremiah 29:11 and GRATEFUL

You Became Mine

Forever and yesterday-

a miraculous, breathtaking shout

melting away;

calm silence in Daddy's arms.

Forever and yesterday-

chalk-covered miniature being

offering a quivering lip;

two squinting sapphires captured my heart

Forever and yesterday-

I held you in my arms!

Happy THIRD birthday to my Big Boy! Mommy loves you so much! :)